How to Pick a Virginia Divorce Lawyer

Finding the right lawyer is hard. Sometimes, I have to help a client find a family lawyer in another state. It’s hard for me to tell who is reliable from looking at websites and I have been dealing with lawyers, both good and bad, for 30 years. The main advantage I have is that I know what to look for to improve the odds of getting selecting a diligent and competent attorney.

So what can you do?

• The first thing you should do is accept that finding the right lawyer will take some time and effort. I recommend that people interview at least 2 lawyers if the case is simple and at least 5 if the case is complicated. After the second interview you will already be a much more sophisticated client. Keep these chats casual and ask your questions in a low-key way so that you don’t risk alienating your best choice because they think you will be difficult to deal with.

• If the lawyer’s staff is friendly and helpful, that is an encouraging sign. If they are high-handed and condescending, don’t bother talking to the attorney. That attitude usually comes from the top down.

• Never tolerate arrogance on the part of the lawyer. You are the customer and you are entitled to the same respect that any customer of any business would expect.

• Pay close attention to whether the lawyer understands what you say. If they get it wrong, you should keep looking. You shouldn’t confuse bad news the lawyer tells you with him not understanding you. It’s a lawyer’s job to tell you the things you need to hear.

• You are not hiring a lawyer to help with emotional matters. That is better managed with friends, clergy, or a therapist. Family law attorneys become desensitized to the emotions of family law cases. They have to keep some distance to do their job properly. That said, if it’s obvious they don’t care about how you come out in the end and are only concerned with their fee, you want someone else.

• If the lawyer cannot explain things in simple English, keep looking. One of the most significant skills a lawyer must have is the ability to tell a story simply. If they haven’t learned how to do that, you will not only have trouble communicating with them, they will have trouble telling your story to the judge.

Assessing whether the lawyer knows what they are doing is more challenging. You cannot match a lawyer’s expertise. However, the lawyer should be able to point you to the statute or court opinion that says what the law is. For example, in child custody cases, I always print out the statute that lists the factors the judge must consider. I give it to the client so they know what we will need to discuss if the case goes to trial. Like a mechanic who shows you the little piece that was broken, a lawyer who shares details is likely to know what they are doing.

Before You Hire, Always Ask

• Ask to see their fee agreement. Do not hire a lawyer who does not provide a written fee agreement. Always ask about their billing practices. Do not hire a lawyer whose bill will not describe in reasonable detail what they did and how long it took them to do it.
  • Lawyers sell their time. Billing in minimum increments is standard practice. My minimum is a tenth of an hour. So anything under six minutes will appear on the bill as one tenth of an hour. Some use two tenths as their minimum. Whatever it is, you should know about it up front and be prepared to see charges for phone calls and emails on your bill.
  • Time the lawyer spends on your case cannot be sold to another client. So if they don’t bill you for it, they are giving you a gift. The most problematic client from a lawyer’s perspective is one who wants to talk often and without paying for the time. If you want to talk often, be prepared to pay for it. Otherwise strive for efficiency by putting all of your concerns in one email. This also makes a record that can be used later if you are in a dispute with your lawyer.
• Ask the lawyer what their plan for your case is. Make notes of what they tell you so that you can compare it to what other lawyers say. If the lawyers tell you the same thing, you can be reasonably confident that it is more than likely right. If one of the lawyers you talk to is out of line, you want to figure out why. It could be they have an insight the others missed. It could also be that they are wrong.
  • A strategy to keep legal fees low must be part of the plan. The lawyer should be practical enough to see that running up a fee you cannot afford is not in their interest. If they are fixated solely on the legalities of the matter and ignore this extremely important practicality, you risk wasting money.
  • The lawyer has an obligation to tell you the costs and benefits of any proposed course of action. If they’re doing something that can save you $2,000 but costs $1,000 and you have only a 50/50 chance of success, you might want to just pay $2,000. If you lose, you will pay $3,000 after allowing for the lawyer’s fee.

Complex Child Custody, Spousal Support, and Marital Property Division

Most family law matters are routine. The three places where a Virginia divorce can be hard-fought and complex are child custody, spousal support and marital property division. In each of these areas, the judge’s decision is discretionary. The legislature has told judges to think about certain factors and then do what they think is right.

Once you start fighting it out over one of these discretionary decisions, it will be difficult to control fees, even with a cost-conscious lawyer.

Two things will conspire to drive costs higher. 

• One will be your lawyer’s desire to win, something you need them to have.
• Two will be your opponent’s choice of tactics.

The more preparation your lawyer does, the better your chances of success. But the cost of each additional bit of preparation needs to be judged by how much it improves your odds. If the improvement is only a little, the added expense is not justified. A knowledgeable lawyer will want to make these decisions with you.

I recently finished a case where the wife was both unsophisticated and very emotional. Where my client and I saw the case as a business issue, she saw it as a vehicle to show the judge how she had been wronged. She made such extravagant demands that my client could not settle. Both parties wasted large sums in legal fees fighting what, if both parties had been reasonable, could have been an inexpensive divorce. In such situations, the best you can do is strive for efficiency in preparing for and conducting the trial.

So, in picking a lawyer, you want to take your time to find someone who can communicate, will treat you with respect, will bill fairly, and who will run the case from a practical point of view.